Long Time Father, First Time Dad!

Long Time Father, First Time Dad!
   
Throughout this pregnancy, I have tried to continue to do the usual things I normally do and not ask for any help.  I really do have a hard time asking anyway. In the beginning of the pregnancy Clint would really get mad at me tell me to get him if I needed help.  For example, lifting McKaylan in and out of the car and then her wheelchair.  It has never been difficult for me, and it wasn't in the beginning either.  Clint would get so frustrated and finally said to me one day, "If you lose this baby it will not be my fault!"  There were other confrontations and I didn't understand why he was getting so upset.  Finally, in a moment of calm we talked about it and he said that we were having a baby and this was new for him.  I just laughed it off and said we have had babies before and that we have had up to 9 kids!  What was the problem???  He said that this is MY first baby.  We have never had a baby together.  I have never been pregnant with him!    This was a new experience for him.  I never had really thought about it that way.  So I have since then dialed it down a bit.  Asked for help more (sort of). It is soooo hard for me!

So, yes and crazy as it sounds, it is true.  My husband is a wonderful father.  We have had many children in our home that we have loved and lost.  This is the first time that he has fathered a child and has experienced being an expectant dad.  He has been so attentive and amazing through this whole process.  Now that we are at the end of this I am having a very hard time doing anything including walking.  He is right there by my side helping me, getting things for me, even pulling/carrying me to where I need to go.  He is my protector, defender, my forever knight in shining armor.  I love him and this pregnancy journey has added another layer of unconditional love in our marriage.  Probably a layer we would not have without going through this experience.  Again, I am humbled and amazed at the love my Heavenly Father has for me and the incredible blessings he has granted me and my family.

Full of Emotion

I have decided to start blogging again.  It has been a few years and a lot has happened.  I am so full of emotion and crazy ideas I need to get them down.  I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with a miracle and I still can't wrap my brain around it.  I look in the mirror at my body in disbelief, yet when I feel my baby move I am full of wonder and amazement.  I want to share my life and all the blessings and crazy that I have been blessed with.  I feel like that someday I will write a book about it, but until then blogging is a platform I will try and use. 

Like I said I am pregnant.  After 13 years of trying and dying we finally did it.  It was a seriously unbelievable journey with loss that was hard, but looking back things had to happen before our baby came to us.  They always say, "hindsight is 20/20."  I have found myself so full of emotion and many of them are conflicting.  I am so grateful, happy and in a state of wonder.  At the same time I am fearful, in denial and I can't believe this is happening.  With all this add the pregnancy hormones and I am a basket case.  I have an ultrasound pic of my baby on my phone and I burst into tears every time I see it.  My heart is ready to burst especially when I feel and see her move.  She is amazing, unreal, miracle, out of reach, and so close.  I am terrified and excited.  I am seriously a mess and I love it!

Two 3 year olds, a 7 and a 4 month old. I am too old!

Well, my babies turned three on tax day.  Luckily we had our taxes done months ago so we could party.  We had a fun party with friends and family.  Yummy food and great conversations with fun movies for the kids.  We are also proud parents of a 7 and 4 month old foster babies.  We love them to pieces.  Needless to say we are very busy and tired, but we have so much fun.  I defiantly feel my age sometimes.  I am so thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom.  I could never do this if I had to work.  I am also thankful that I have my husband at home to help too.  It takes a team to care these kids and I couldn't have a better partner. 

Dang, How Time Flies

I can't believe it has been so long since I blogged. It has been just long enough to forget how to do this. Anyhow, we have been given the blessing again to adopt. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for helping us find our children. We are adopting a very special little boy who will be two years old next week. He has been blessed with some physical challenges that actually makes him fit well with our family. He was born with hydrocephalus and CP. He also as some vision issues that we are still figuring out, but if you know our family what better baby to come into our home. I can't tell you how excited I am to get to be his mommy. I also want to share how thankful I am for his birth mom. She is definitely a brave hero in my book. As a family we got to spend time with her at the mall the other day. It was so fun to be together and get to know her. What a fun time for our family. I posted earlier how thankful I am for adoption and this just strengthens my testimony of the love my Father in Heaven has for me and my family!

Goodbye summer Hello school!

So many things have happened this summer. We are so excited to be back in school. McKaylan has weathered the worst with pneumonia and surgery. She is a trooper! We just got the great news that we have been approved by LDS Family Services for adopting again. Let those little spirits find our family because we need them! The boys are growing so fast and my arms are missing that little baby feel.

Clint has also returned to school. I love being home with the boys all day. It is so fun with them. Still working on the house and getting the small stuff done like paint and trim, but it is coming together. I can't wait for it to be done.

His smile is different!

This last week has been stressful, but awesome. Braden had eye surgery. He had his blind eye removed and a prosthetic put in its place. He did so good during the surgery, but had a hard time waking up. All he could do was sleep or throw up. This experience, I believe, triggered anxiety from other hospitalizations. With the sounds, smells and environment and just feeling plain yucky, there has been a lot of extra emotional issues that he has had to deal with. The only difference this time was he had a mommy to love and hold him and and rock him. He has become even more attached to me and Clint this last week. Yes he has regressed in some behaviors, but that is to be expected. But his smile is different, more content and happy. He looks at us with absolute adoration. It is so awesome!

Hello, Goodbye and Say WHAT???

So, we moved into our ward last September and met our bishop. One month later he was released. This last Sunday was him and his wife's last Sunday because they are moving. His wife came to me and asked how the boys were doing. Then she said I have something to tell you. I am only telling you this because this is my last Sunday. She then proceeded to tell me that her brother and sister-in-law were the previous couple that had the failed adoption with the boys. She said that her sister-in-law was devastated and had started obsessing over where the boys were. The lady in my ward did provide comfort to her and told her the boys were together and in a good home, but didn't give out names. I was shocked. This is only a portion of our long conversation. Needless to say she did tell me that she has been watching me and my family and knows the boys are safe and with a good family. She said we were doing a great job with them and now the other mother knows it. I tell you. All Mormons in Utah are related!!!